Lock Arms, Not Horns
- Joel Balin
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
It was like stepping into a storm without a forecast. A pit formed in my stomach as I found myself in a public disagreement with a significant leader who is a close friend, right in the middle of one of our meetings. It could’ve seemed like a disaster—awkward, even damaging
But it turned out to be a blessing in disguise because of the revelation it brought and the humility of the other leader in not letting it bring division. It actually made us closer.
What surfaced wasn’t division of the heart, but a difference in approach - a different perspective. We were both fighting for the same cause, anchored in the same values—but coming at the solution from very different angles.
That moment revealed a pattern I’ve seen time and again:
We’re not always divided by different values. Sometimes, we’re motivated and put at odds by different callings and gifts, or wiring.
One of the most common flashpoints? The tension between Purists and Pragmatists—the idealists and the realists.
Both love the mission. Both believe the cause.
One says, “Let’s build with what we’ve got.”
But the other says, “Let’s wait until it’s exactly right.”
This can make even people on the same side look like enemies rather than co-combatants - fellow soldiers with a shared mission who still clash with each other on how to carry it out.
This divide can happen from the boardroom to the bedroom, from the church house to the white house. We’ve seen it play out in the past few weeks.
Donald Trump and Elon Musk went from reshaping the world together to feuding like a Hatfield and a McCoy — or a Montague and a Capulet — something between a TikTok drama and a Shakespearean showdown.
But this divide between a purist like Musk and a pragmatist like Trump isn’t new. Even two Apostles, Paul and Barnabas, faced it.
When John Mark failed to meet Paul’s purist standard, Paul refused to take him on the next journey. But Barnabas, the encourager and realist, saw Mark’s potential and wanted to give him another shot.
“They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company.” Acts 15:39
But Paul later writes this:
“Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry.” 2 Tim 4:11
Paul commends Mark as a fellow worker and even writes this:
“Mark, the cousin of Barnabas. (You have received instructions about him; if he comes to you, welcome him.)” Colossians 4:10
Despite their clash, Paul and Barnabas realigned in love, ministry, and kingdom vision. It’s a reminder that we may butt heads at times—but we’re better off when we lock arms, not horns.
How to Lock Arms Instead of Horns:
Keep the Unity in the Spirit
Two believers can disagree and still honor the Spirit’s unity by keeping the main things the main things.
“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:3
“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1
“I appeal to you… that there be no divisions among you… My brothers and sisters, some from Chloe’s household have informed me that there are quarrels among you.” 1 Corinthians 1:10–11
Avoid Fight or Flight Conflict doesn’t mean failure. It’s a hurdle, not a wall. Resist the urge to attack or withdraw—to knock over or run around hurdles. Learn to go over the hurdles together.
“It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.” Proverbs 20:3
“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” Proverbs 17:14
Be the First to Apologize and ForgiveI don’t remember who reached out first, but within minutes of our disagreement, we were connecting—affirming our commitment to each other, to God, and to the cause of Christ.
“Love… keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Corinthians 13:5
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5:23–24
Jesus teaches that restoring relationships takes priority, even over worship. The responsibility is on us to make the first move toward peace.
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18
Resist Getting Offended
We were both passionate about our viewpoints, but we refused to take up offense. We trusted each other’s hearts.
“A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11
Rather than take things personally, respond with patience, grace, and wisdom.
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15 “In the last days many will be offended, betray one another, and hate one another.” Matthew 24:10
There is no overestimating the damage that offense causes or the benefits of overlooking an offense.
Disagreements are inevitable—but division is optional.
If we stay rooted in love, resist offense, keep the unity of the Spirit, and trust one another’s hearts, our differences won’t destroy us—they’ll deepen us.
They may just lead us to a fuller perspective and a richer picture of the kingdom.
Let’s be people who lock arms, not horns—and show the world how truth and grace walk hand in hand.
To delve into how to advance the kingdom together most effectively, see my document:
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